So, You Say You're Dating Your Cousin.
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Did I really just read that?
It's Saturday morning and I'm enjoying my non-fat blueberry muffin (as if that's going to make my jeans fit looser) and a delicious iced-vanilla coffee from Dunkin Donuts with extra sugar, reading the St. Petersburg times as I often do and there it is. Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnnn....... the Dear Abby article that made me spit my three dollar coffee everywhere!
The article is in typical Dear Abby fashion. The question at hand is this; girl goes home to family funeral, girl meets distant cousin, sixth to be exact (whatever that means) now, girl and sixth cousin are dating. Girl wants to curiously ask if that is wrong. As if that's not just funny enough, it gets better, much better. Before I read Abby's response, I am convinced that it will defianly tell the reader that she should abort ship and not date a cousin of any number. This is not what Abby says my friends. Dear Abby, oh my dear, dear Abby, unwittingly procures her response right there in bold black letters, new times roman font no less, and I should probably quote her so you get the full effect.
ANSWER: "Sixth cousins are so distantly related that there is no reason why you shouldn't be a couple if you wish to be. Becoming a couple is an evolution. Let the relationship evolve - don't be secretive. People who love you should be happy for both of you." [February 8th 2008 St. Petersburt Times].
People come on here, throw me a bone on this one.
The whole purpose behind Dear Abby is to provide advise that one can actually benefit from, or so I thought. This is utter nonsense! Hello, Abby are you there it's me sanity I once floated around your brain, shall I come back now? Perhaps the Dunkin Donuts coffee Abby drank this morning was mixed with a little incestuous creamer. I mean seriously, all West Virginia, brother and sisters dating jokes aside, did someone really ask this and did Abby really say, 'to allow dating your cousin to evolve..?' Since, I will most definitely never meet this girl that makes out with her sixth cousin, I will not have the opportunity to rectify the bad advice that has been given to her. Instead, I will only get to pathetically vent to my Hubpage readers about what I believe would have been the right advice to give.
I try and commit one good deed to a stranger each day. I started last week, I actually think I missed a few days so, anyhow, I've decided, though we're worlds apart, my one good deed is going out to my new found -cousin lovin' weirdo. Here it is....
Nikalina's ANSWER: Newsflash, THE WORLD IS OVERPOPULATED! There is no need to date your cousin, however distant you care to pathetically explain, you cannot date your cousin. You know how when you get in your car and there are millions of people around you and the earth is gigantic and something like 10,000 babies are born every minute (that's an exageration but you get the point) there are plenty of fish in the sea. You said in your writing that you asked your doctor if it was 'medically okay' to date your cousin. Are you kidding me? No, it's not medically okay to date your sixth, seventh or even eighth cousin. Do you want to know why? No, matter what number you place in front of that label, the guy is still your freaking cousin! Gross, gross, gross! Okay, so maybe your chances to have children medically in check are all lined up but, did you really want to enter your highschool reunion and have to answer the question, "Oh where di dyou two meet?" You'd have to say that YOU WERE COUSINS! To once again, throw Abby right under the bus, yup, here it comes, vroom vroom, if people loved you, they would tell you that your f'd in the head and you need to not make out with...your cousin! If people that are your friends with are okay with you dating your sixth cousin, there is only a few explanations that I can come up with to rationalize such absurdity. Either they too are backwards ass country folk that have never left their one horse town or secondly, they don't care enough about you to tell you that you are totally gross for dating your cousin.
Take this advise and do what you wish with it. I'm sure in some areas of the world it is common to date within a family tribe, I get that. I can hear the murmur of those of you religious Jesus thriving addicts that, we are all God's children and we are all related in some fashion. Yada, yada...sell that somewhere else cause I aint buyin it. On second thought, perhaps I'm missing the grand advise in all of this. Maybe this is why I'm in my late 20's, not married, no children and the highlight of my day is writing on Hub-pages? It is because I have not sought out my ever so hot distant cousins as possible dating material. I must go now and explore which of my distant cousins are single...burp, excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.
It gets worse. I was doing some research to list some helpful websites on dating one's cousin and the problems associated with it. Unfortunately, Google has too many top hits that are actually just this same pathetic posed question in different words. I knew I should have just brewed my own coffee this morning...sigh.
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You must not have any hot cousins.
Ha!
All kidding aside, in small towns across america, people are hooking up with their cousins, lack of selection problem, I guess. I'll find you a hub right now, somewhat related.
goldentoad. Good reference of that hub. So do you think it's wrong to date a distant cousin? I'm dying to know.
personally, I couldn't do it, I'm like you, something about cousin and relationship doesn't sit well, I don't care how far away removed they are.
Okay, you keep saying it's wrong and your only back-up is it's wrong and you're cousins. 1 in 1000 married couples in America are cousins and 4 in 1000 in Japan. Many, many, many people in Europe HAD to marry their cousins because they could only marry royalty. I don't really see what's so wrong about marrying your cousin if you're saying that 'chances to have children medically in check are all lined up' but you had to tell people you were sixth cousins. I don't really know when it started that it was completely wrong to date your cousin, maybe in America because no other culture thinks it's wrong. It's funny because many people think Americans are bullies and have no knowledge of the world except for their own country, and even then, they don't even know their own country.
You can't just say your opinion and think it will overthrow facts. Did you do your research?
Extramedium....appreciative of your take on the subject. I did not however, make the connection that due to a short-comical artical about dating cousins that it in turn was explicative of Americans being bullies and having no knowledge of the world or the country I live in. Interesting connection....
I don't see the problem. I agree, that if it is a cousin you grew up knowing, or even maybe simply met a few times at family get togethers, that is a bit wrong. However, what if you are so distantly related to the person you don't even know the connection? What if you did not meet through family but met as two strangers, and then found out you were distantly related? Isn't that how you find "fish in the sea"? The chances of having genetically defective children can happen between two strangers, so there is a risk either way. I believe in soul mates, and love...even if it happens to be a distant relative.
i agree with whale
I personally think you are ignorant for writing this. Go research your "facts" a little more...oh, wait, this is all your opinions! I feel Abby was right. If you are happy then nothing else matters. Let me guess, you are against gay marriages too?! They should ban people like you to write things like this in general.The hate you have built up inside will come back around to you. Go stereotype "West Virginian's" ...that's a real good one...you non-educated prick! cousincouples.com >> check it out.
This question is wrestled with even more at http://www.sleepingcousins.com/is-it-wrong-to-like Check it out.
Nikalina,
This is a well written hub, and I like your style.
But, seriously, I have done lots of genealogy, and a sixth cousin is way, way back. Do you know how far back? It means that you and the person had the same great-great-great-great-great grandparents. And that is approximately the time of the Revolutionary War, if you're someone from my generation.
You only have to study genealogy a little bit till you find out that going back just a few generations makes you related to tons of people that you just don't know about. After five generations, I can't imagine the computer software that could draw a graphic for this, but it must be pretty awesome if it exists.
I find you extremely distasteful and narrow-minded, Nikalina. Congratulations on being control by uneducated, popular American culture (and no that was not an anti-American, I spent 10 years in the army infantry).
1. 6th cousins share 1/128th (.78%) of the common ancestor's genetic code. Statistically speaking, you are more likely to share more DNA with a complete stranger than your 6th cousin..
2. In no country is it illegal to marry a 2nd or more cousin; most don't ban 1st cousin. In the U.S. only 17 states ban 1st cousin marriages and there is no federal law on the subject.
3. 6th cousins span a range of 8 generations. 8 generations span a statistical range of 160-260 years with a mean of 200 years. That means their common relative was born, at the latest, pre civil war era (pre 1860) with a quiet real possibility that they were born BEFORE the Revolutionary War.
And as someone mentioned above, there are a LOT of people in a family. based on 8 generations of 5 kids each, that leaves the possibility of 1,562,500 (781,250 per parent) "6TH" COUSINS on just direct line descendants (and keep in mind this is a VERY simplified calculations, you probably have much more if you figure each generation back to the root generation). Congrats, if you are like a vast majority of Americans and still live in the general area as your family, you probably had sex with your cousin. GROSS!!!
shut up
Cousincouples.com
i reccomend checking out this website and getting back to me.
the only genetical increase of having defective children is through first cousins, and that is ONLY A 1% INCREASE! In my opinion, the connections many cousins share are unlike any other connection i have seen. SO MANY people have this incredible connection with cousins, its a connection that i think should be explored. I know many cousin couples, and am currently involved with my 1st cousin. So sue me, i love her, i cant help myself. She is unbelievable. You take your feelings and roll with them. Love is lolve.
The prohibition on cousin marriages comes from the early Roman Catholic Church. They prohibited marriage to the degree of 7th cousin initially. This coincides with their strong prohibition of polygamy and priestly marriages (they initially annulled plural wives and made those children illegitimate and finally annulled all priestly marriages and made all priest children "illegitimate", but I digress).
The prohibition was necessary to allow for church growth and to break up powerful clans. Forcing marriage outside the clan moved people around more and mixed the wealth, breaking the strongholds on wealth that kept some families poor. It also broke certain protections on the inheritance of that wealth.
As the years passed and royalty received dispensations, the church eased back one generation at a time. Most recently, in the 1980's, the church began allowing 2nd cousin marriages without dispensation. They now allow first cousin marriages only with dispensation, which comes at varying degrees of difficulty depending on your diocese.
Biblically, there is no support for prohibition of cousin marriages. Nor is there any genetic reason for it (you'd also have to ban childbearing past the age of 35, for all smokers, and for anyone with any already known genetic condition because they are higher risks than average 1st cousin marriages).
Hope that clears it up.
Are you as dumb as you make yourself out to be Nikalina?
People think this is well written? Seriously?
Go do some research before you make absolutely ridiculous statements. You are so brainwashed by your mtv you might as well BE an inbreed.
Thank you to the people who actually wrote facts in their responses as to clear up any stupidity Nikalina has let come from her tiny brain. And thank you Nikalina for being a part of the de-evolution of mankind.
There's something this article misses.
Whether or not you believe the story of Genesis (and for the record, I don't), literally everyone in the world is almost certainly related, statistically. The human race was reduced in number about seventy thousand years ago to somewhere between one thousand and ten thousand people. That means that it is actually impossible for two people not to be related at some point, if you go back far enough.
Therefore, it's just a question of cousin separation. I think most people wouldn't even consider hundredth cousins family. So where do you draw the line? Sixth cousins, by the way, only have a pair of great-great-great-great-great grandparents in common. That's two great^5-grandparents out of one hundred and twenty-eight.
Is that still family? Where do you draw the line?
Technically aren't we all cousins, and you said "any number"? So we are all to die alone?
i find you are wayyyyyyy too harsh on this whole situation. and it is offensive to me beaucaus i myself am dating my cousin.
After 33 years of marriage to a wonderful man, one child and twin grandsons, we just found out that we are 6th cousins. No, we didnt meet at our family reunion! we were complete strangers when we met and our parents and grandparents had no knowledge of our "kinship"
Only during an ancestry research of our civil war relatives did we find that we are related. We will admit, it seemed weird at first but we are still the same people we were before we found out. We believe that if you are from a small town and have family that has been in that area for over one hundred years and you marry someone with the same pedigree, the chances of you sharing a common ancestor are quite good. So, I guess what I'm saying is, there are a lot more of you out there who have married your cousin than you think!
i'm dating my cousin. i've been getting alot of hell over it for the past week., i was beginning to get a little insecure over the whole thing. but the more i think about it, and really research it .. the more i can't find ANYTHING wrong it. yes its my cousin, big whoop ! we didn't grow up together or anything, we don't have the same parents or grandparents. whats the big deal here? i'm young so i have a lot of mistakes ahead of me, but for the life of me i just CAN't find anything wrong with this. the opinion of some Americans is so baffling to me sometimes. i figure that if people back in the day, [Royalty at that] can date (scratch that) MARRY their cousins, why can't I? its not morally wrong to my knowledge, its not medically wrong, and its legal, so what's so "effed up" and twisted about it? lets get our heads out of the gutter here people. life is so short ! and if i meet someone that makes me happy i feel i should be able to associate myself with them accordingly ! // regardless of if they're my cousin or not. i don't even see why it would particularly bother anyone when it comes to who someone does or does not date. i guess this is the type of topic where you won't really get it unless you've been through it, or are just that open minded. (i'm proud to say i'm both) - i personally think, that if people had lives of their own, someone dating their cousin wouldn't bother them as much. > just saying.
- signed, cousin-lover07 :)
i'm dating my cousin. i've been getting alot of hell over it for the past week., i was beginning to get a little insecure over the whole thing. but the more i think about it, and really research it .. the more i can't find ANYTHING wrong it. yes its my cousin, big whoop ! we didn't grow up together or anything, we don't have the same parents or grandparents. whats the big deal here? i'm young so i have a lot of mistakes ahead of me, but for the life of me i just CAN't find anything wrong with this. the opinion of some Americans is so baffling to me sometimes. i figure that if people back in the day, [Royalty at that] can date (scratch that) MARRY their cousins, why can't I? its not morally wrong to my knowledge, its not medically wrong, and its legal, so what's so "effed up" and twisted about it? lets get our heads out of the gutter here people. life is so short ! and if i meet someone that makes me happy i feel i should be able to associate myself with them accordingly ! // regardless of if they're my cousin or not. i don't even see why it would particularly bother anyone when it comes to who someone does or does not date. i guess this is the type of topic where you won't really get it unless you've been through it, or are just that open minded. (i'm proud to say i'm both) - i personally think, that if people had lives of their own, someone dating their cousin wouldn't bother them as much. > just saying.
- signed, cousin-lover07 :)
I'm glad my 1st cousin on my mother's side and my 1st cousin on my father's side are now dating because they are both finally happy in love. They deserve each other. If it wasn't meant to be, then it wouldn't be; thank God for family! ;o) Love you bunches Lesley and Tim!!! Follow your heart and you can do no wrong!
I met my girlfriend almost 3 years ago and didn't no until yesterday that we are 7th cousins....I would kill and die for her and there is no girl I love more and I will marry her...this article is stupid...if your family has been in a area long enough and you meet someone else who's family has been here awhile than yah people have sex with there cousins everyday and not know it.....there is nothing gross about loving someone separated by hundreds and hundreds of years I don't think you can even call that related....regardless love is love and noone can tell me that bein with this wonderful girl is wrong....your a fool and this article is trash
Well i think it is ok, because i was dating my sixth cousin and we made out
but both us didnt know until he's older brother said that he's grandmother is related to my cousin and im closely related to my cousin family
(i just this out yesterday). And now i don't speak to him because im scared of what people would say i love him, you might say its wrong well i gess you don't know how this feels like. You have no right to tell people what they can and can't do.
But finding out is the worst part of it
its prefectly fine to date, and marry your 6th cousin. heck in most societies you are allowed to date and marry your cousin, and if you apply for special consideration you're allowed to marry a sibling(just not allowed to have children).
Your sixth cousin is your father/mothers 5th cousin once removed, your gran/granpas 4th cousin twice removed, your greatgran/granpas 3rd cousin thrice removed, your greatgreatgran/granpas 2nd cousin 4 times removed, your greatgreatgreatgran/granpas cousin, 5 times removed, and your greatgreatgreatgreatgran/granpas greatgreatgreatgreatgrandniece/nephew. That's 6 generations removed.
If you look back in your family tree you'll find people who've married and had kids who aren't nearly as separated as this.
One of my friends is her own cousin, I know someone who's half-brother is their step-father, and who's half-sister is also their niece, its not that weird
They say anything after you second cousins removed are far and beyond your family blood so I say why not. Lets face it, nobody can help who they fall for or fancy and sometimes people can wait all there life for it. I say good on them for finding love. I think it is a little different if its your first cousin as its a way too close in my opinion. Thats dating your aunties son or daughter so would be weird for me. But hey....its wrong to have affairs and cheat but hey PEOPLE DO!
What is the problem with this? for generations people have married family members and not distant ones either and really so what if we marry anyone we like we are free to do as we will. anyway if you read the bible it says we are all cousins by blood relation cause we came from adam and eve so is there anything wrong with it i dont see it the wrongness i just see if that makes them happy let them do it people deserve happiness there is rarely any in this world
You must not know or believe in God...God does not mind us dating our cousins. Some benefits of this is having smarter children and some important people are cousins like our current president Obama who's wife is his 8th cousin. But he is a big shocker for you we are all related up to 400th cousin and according to you the number in front should not matter so the only way to not date your cousin no mater the distance is to not love, not date, or have a romantic life at all. We are all related and unless you have not had sex then guess what you've been with one of your cousins sorry to tell you. Me and my wife of 15 years who is my 1st cousin and my three children found your ignorance very funny but I will pray for you hope you do more research the next time you decide to write something before you do something.
To Nikalina's Answer -- IF you think about it we're all related in some ways, we came from adam and eve and they had kids and blah blah so far down the line if you think about it we're all related... we went from 2 people.. to billions.. WE ARE ALL related.. It does not matter if that is your 6th cousin or not I believe that is distant enough to date her but I would ask a doctor first like you said and make sure that the baby or whatever you do won't come out in any way defected.
Hey I'm in love with my cousin but is it legally a good idea to date your cousin especially if they were adopted from south Korea and that's what my cousin did but I'm still in love with her what do I do can I ever kiss her or can I not common I just need the answer
I kno im years late but to all who tried to jump on the authors case....u fukkers are sikk,fukk a fact! ur cuzn is ur cuzn,either way the same blood runs thru u both,i dont care if u grew up together or not,u might as well fukk your parents if u think this is ok to do......get ur fukkin heads examined smh this world is on the way to hell n handbasket due to shit like this and ppl like those of u who agree with this type of fukkery.......good day freaks smh
In fact all of humanity was made by cousins of cousins hooking up. Its not so weird and its not wrong.
I'm not some incestuous freak, but you guys are being a little harsh. And who has time to complain about stupid things like this anyway?
Everybody is related to everybody else no matter how distantly, for example most people from Europe are directly descended to Charlemaine(around 40 generations ago). And basic mathmatics dictates if we have 2, parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents etc then after 50 generations 1 person would have more ancestors than than the total amount of people that have ever lived on the earth.
If you think about it, all humans are related.
technically, you cannot avoid dating a cousin, that is the fact of life.
hey, if you have married or are going to marry, chances are... your spouse may be your 10th cousin, or 100th cousin
Umm... U must not know what a 6th cousin is. That means they share 2 great-great-great-great-great grandparents. That is the only way they are related. Your more likely to be a closer cousin with a random stranger than that. It's no big deal. It's so distant that sharing any DNA would be a medical phnomonon
I guess everyone has their own opionions of cousins having a relationship. I just know that my cousin and I have had a very strange attraction since we were babies.... We have both had unsuccessful marriages and relationships and for the most part we believe it is because we love eachother. We have tried to love others and failed. I don't think we really can pick who we love, it just happens. If there was anyone else on the planet that I could even look at that I could have any affection for I would. I have lived and breathed him all of my life. I wish I could love someone else, but my heart won't allow it. I guess it seems disgusting to some but love is love. I wish I didn't love him, but the fact is I do. We will never be together, but my love for him will never die. It is a strong and amazing bond. I only hope that he and I will find someone else that we can love as much as we love eachother.
I'm in love with my first cousin and I believe that he's my soulmate. How about you write an ignorant article on that instead of stressing about 6th cousins? I WISH he was my sixth cousin.
You know ive been sitting and researching this topic myself. Coming from a household where my parents are cousins I cant really be against it, and I am not but hearing half the things people say about it is quite offensive. I have no genetic defects, I am perfectly healthy. So is my brother and I have not been in a different household with the same level of love as between my parents. The defenition for incest is sexual activities between close blood relatives such as parent, child, grandparent and brother sister relationships. I don't see why someone else's relationship choises would bother an unrelated person so much.
So you know what, if you love your cousin then go for it. Don't bother with the technicalities and opinions of others because you will always find someone who will be against you. Do what's going to make you happy.
Oh and one more thing,
to the illiterate arsehole a few posts up, if you want to talk with the big boys it is wise to learn how to spell first. But don't get too confident because even though you can spell now your still not competent, I wonder if your parents aren't maybe related ...
My apologies to those who have responded with an open mind
Rik Ravado Level 1 Commenter 3 years ago
I think you are a bit hard on this cousin-lovin' girl but I take your point about the big wide world. Arguably the invention of the automobile and the Internet means we can actually marry strangers. Anyway nicely written piece! Well done.